Here’s what you should do instead.
When my daughter was 3, she bolted while I was paying for groceries at the supermarket. I was fumbling for my credit card and didn’t notice.
For 20 long minutes, I ran up and down the street shouting her name. Some people helped me look for her. Others asked me how I’d let this happen.
When I finally found her — she had walked home across seven city blocks — I vowed never to judge anyone, ever again.
That, of course, didn’t last very long.
We pass judgment all the time, and sometimes we don’t realize we’ve done it. Research suggests that when people see a new face, their brains decide whether that person is attractive and trustworthy within one-tenth of a second.
This occurs, said Piercarlo Valdesolo, director of the Moral Emotions and Trust Lab at St. Olaf College, “when you’re barely aware that you’ve even seen an image.”
But regularly condemning others can reduce your empathy, make you less receptive to new perspectives and leave you more prone to reactive responses, said Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York City. And research suggests that the more you judge, the worse you feel.