Therapists, researchers and an etiquette expert weigh in on when you can disappear with a clear conscience and the ways to get around it.
About a decade ago, Brenna Holeman was on the perfect first date with a man she’d met on a dating app. It was a rainy night in a cozy London bar, and before the date even ended — with a kiss — they’d breathlessly made plans for their next rendezvous.
“He even texted me that night saying, ‘I can’t stop smiling,’” recalled Ms. Holeman, 40, a travel writer now based in Canada. He also wrote, “I can’t wait to see you again,” she added.
But when she texted to confirm the timing for their next date, there was radio silence.
Ghosting, the popular term for cutting off all communication without explanation, has become an inescapable part of modern dating. And it can be even harder to stomach than flat-out rejection, psychologists and researchers said, because it involves uncertainty.
Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Philadelphia, said people who have been ghosted “start to question their reality.”
“They’re looking back and saying: ‘Where did I miss the signs? What is wrong with me that I thought we had so much fun on our last date?’” Ms. Earnshaw said.
She has seen many clients — of various ages, genders and sexual orientations — grappling with a “crisis of self-esteem” after being repeatedly ghosted. But in a fast-paced world of dating apps and endless options, is it ever OK to ghost?