The best-selling author and motivational podcast host Mel Robbins is known for her blunt advice and viral wisdom, from The 5-Second Rule to countless proverbs on relationships, confidence and everyday stuck-ness. Her most recent book, “The Let Them Theory,” has given her readers a fresh perspective for navigating disappointment, rejection and uncertainty in life.

Robbins recently joined the “Modern Love” podcast to discuss how these tips transformed her own marriage and her relationship with her kids, even just in the past year or so since she wrote the book.

She read a Modern Love essay, “You Have to Let Go to Move On,” about a woman who finally learns that real love doesn’t come from holding on tighter.

You can listen to the episode using the player below or on the NYT Audio app, Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Below, you’ll find five relationship tips that Robbins shared on the episode.

‘Modern Love Podcast’: Let Mel Robbins Share Her 5 Tips for a Healthy Relationship

The author and podcast host reveals how to let go of control.

Mel Robbins: I wish I had the “Let Them” theory a long time ago, because one of the most important things in dating and love is being very clear that the other person is who they are and their behavior tells you exactly how they feel about you and whether or not you’re a priority. It would have helped me to let people be who they are, let people like me or not like me. When you say, “Let them,” it’s like a cue to say: This is beyond my control. I am recognizing that this is beyond my own control. Therefore, if it’s beyond my control, why would I spend time and energy torturing myself? Over something I have no power to change. Because your power is not in managing other people.

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