A session with Terry Real can be uncomfortable. The marriage and family therapist is known to mirror and amplify the feelings of his clients — sometimes cursing and nearly yelling — in an attempt to get men in touch with emotions they’re not used to expressing.
Real says men are often pushed to shut off their expression of vulnerability when they are young. That process, he says, can lead to myriad problems in their future relationships.
Real recently joined Anna Martin, host of the Modern Love podcast, to discuss his work, why he thinks our current models of masculinity are broken and what it will take to build new ones. You can listen to their conversation by clicking the “Play” button below, or by following the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you prefer to read their conversation, you’ll find an edited transcript below. Note: The podcast episode included profanity that has been edited from the transcript.
Listen to ‘Modern Love’
The therapist Terry Real on healthy masculinity, and why his work with men feels more urgent than ever.
Anna Martin: Terry’s been a therapist for more than 40 years. He calls his approach “relational life therapy,” and he’s written several best-selling books about it. And that whole time, he’s kept a particular focus on men because for Terry, the things he sees men struggle with — from the most mild problems to the most extreme behaviors — it all stems from something fundamentally broken about the way our culture defines masculinity.
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