One tip: Keep your cool.
In Scott Walker’s 15 years as a kidnap negotiator, he learned how to get his message across quickly, calmly and efficiently.
“If I messed up, people could die,” said Walker, a former Scotland Yard detective who has helped resolve hundreds of cases. And those high stakes, he said, “tended to focus the mind a little bit.”
While asking for a raise, establishing your teen’s curfew or coordinating a visit from the in-laws might not be quite as fraught, tough conversations can still inspire dread. All successful negotiations require preparation, said Walker, author of the new book “Order Out of Chaos.”
“Negotiation,” he added, “is simply a conversation with a purpose.”
Walker shared his best strategies to reach a compromise during high-stress situations.
Tap into your ‘red center.’
First, establish what Walker’s crisis team called a red center. In kidnapping cases, it’s a physical command center, but in everyday negotiations, it’s a state of mind.
Jitters and fears can be contagious, Walker said. He writes in his book that he makes sure to arrive at every case “grounded, switched on, and focused, with an agile mind.” Before your conversations, practice deep breathing or anything else that makes you feel centered.