These days, getting cut off in traffic can send me on an emotional rollercoaster. So I asked experts how to get mentally tougher.
Erik Vance, who writes and edits stories about fitness (among other things), is filling in for Jancee Dunn today.
I’ve noticed I am becoming less resilient as I age. Insults used to bounce off me; I could move to a new city at the drop of a hat. Now I stew for days about a social media slight and can barely change my hair without fretting.
It’s a flaw — one I want to help my young son avoid by exposing him to challenges that will help him confront adversity without melting down. I know it’s hypocritical — the very essence of “do as I say, not as I do.” Before I raise a resilient kid, I should probably raise a resilient me.
I have my coping mechanisms: Intense exercise, getting out into nature or distracting my brain with a Rubik’s Cube can all keep me from spinning out. But these feel like Band-Aids, not real grit.
So I called a few experts to find out how I can become tougher. What I discovered was that my view of resilience was all wrong.
Wait, what is resilience again?
Defining resilience is tricky. Some frame it as the ability to stand up to adversity; others describe it as an ability to bounce back; still others liken it to adaptability.
Words like grit and positivity get thrown around a lot, too. But these terms suggest a sort of tough-guy stiff upper lip that doesn’t often work in the long term, said Michael Ungar, a professor of social work at Dalhousie University in Canada and expert in resilience. Instead, he said, it’s multiple “processes that will make it possible for you to thrive under stress.”