We’ve all experienced it: the urge to withdraw and duck experiences we know we’ll enjoy — even when a mood boost is what we need most. We skip the birthday party. We cancel lunch. They just don’t seem worth the effort. And then, more likely than not, we feel worse than we did before.
So how do you find the motivation to get out there, especially when you’re feeling low, stressed, tired or lonely? One proven strategy is to strengthen what psychologists call your reward sensitivity.
Our drive to seek out happiness is a muscle that we can develop. So is our ability to relish experiences. And almost anyone can learn to amp up their reward sensitivity by training themselves to notice and savor their positive emotions. That’s even true for people with depression and anxiety who struggle to experience pleasure, a condition called anhedonia.
Of course, all of us have trouble pursuing pleasure sometimes. I recently took my young sons to the beach for the weekend. Hours before our getaway, I learned a friend had died. Numbed by the news, I was in no mood to have a good time, even though I wanted to make things special for my family.
It’s part of my job as a therapist to teach people how to manage their emotions. And as I tell my patients, it’s possible to honor legitimate sources of pain and still recognize that moments of brightness improve our well-being.
The research-backed strategies below, which I use in my practice, helped me to make the most of our trip.