{"id":31961,"date":"2025-07-17T09:02:10","date_gmt":"2025-07-17T09:02:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/medexperts.pro\/?p=31961"},"modified":"2025-07-17T09:28:43","modified_gmt":"2025-07-17T09:28:43","slug":"my-memory-loss-is-affecting-my-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/?p=31961","title":{"rendered":"My Memory Loss Is Affecting My Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Ask the Therapist columnist Lori Gottlieb advises a reader who wants his spouse to be more compassionate about his worsening recall.<\/p>\n

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I\u2019m a 70-year-old active man. I go to the gym, bowl and play billiards and poker. I\u2019m enjoying my retirement, but I\u2019m also experiencing memory loss.<\/em><\/p>\n

The problem isn\u2019t day-to-day memory, but going back beyond three years or so, my memories can be sketchy.<\/em><\/p>\n

I recognize this, but my husband, 65, continues to remind me of my memory loss. For instance, I say, \u201cLet\u2019s watch Tom Cruise in \u2018War of the Worlds.\u2019 I saw the \u201950s version, but not this one.\u201d He then says, \u201cWe watched it already.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

This upsets me because what I hear is, \u201cYou\u2019re getting Alzheimer\u2019s.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

He\u2019s done it many times, and I try to explain how his comments hurt. He doesn\u2019t see why they would because he\u2019s simply stating a fact. I would like a more compassionate and understanding response. I\u2019d take: \u201cOh honey, we had such a good time watching that movie. I remember how you kept comparing Cruise to Gene Barry!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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After my silent treatment for the next hour or so, he apologizes, but it doesn\u2019t come off as very sincere, particularly with repeated similar scenarios.<\/em><\/p>\n

We\u2019ve been together for 24 years. Is it wrong to ask that much?<\/em><\/p>\n

From the Therapist:<\/strong> It\u2019s not wrong to ask to be treated more gently, especially because losing your memory can be scary and disorienting. It brings with it a heightened sense of vulnerability, and you want the person beside you to hold you with tenderness. But you\u2019re likely to get a better response if you understand what\u2019s happening beneath the surface. When one partner is dealing with a medical issue, both people in the relationship experience the challenge differently. And when the issue involves cognitive decline, the relationship faces a distinct kind of strain \u2014 one that threatens its identity.<\/p>\n

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Ask the Therapist columnist Lori Gottlieb advises a reader who wants his spouse to be more compassionate about his worsening recall.I\u2019m a 70-year-old active man. I go to the gym, bowl and play billiards and poker. I\u2019m enjoying my retirement, but I\u2019m also experiencing memory loss.The problem isn\u2019t day-to-day memory, but going back beyond three years or so, my memories can be sketchy.I recognize this, but my husband, 65, continues to remind me of my memory loss. For instance, I say, \u201cLet\u2019s watch Tom Cruise in \u2018War of the Worlds.\u2019 I saw the \u201950s version, but not this one.\u201d He then says, \u201cWe watched it already.\u201dThis upsets me because what I hear is, \u201cYou\u2019re getting Alzheimer\u2019s.\u201dHe\u2019s done it many times, and I try to explain how his comments hurt. He doesn\u2019t see why they would because he\u2019s simply stating a fact. I would like a more compassionate and understanding response. I\u2019d take: \u201cOh honey, we had such a good time watching that movie. I remember how you kept comparing Cruise to Gene Barry!\u201dAfter my silent treatment for the next hour or so, he apologizes, but it doesn\u2019t come off as very sincere, particularly with repeated similar scenarios.We\u2019ve been together for 24 years. Is it wrong to ask that much?From the Therapist: It\u2019s not wrong to ask to be treated more gently, especially because losing your memory can be scary and disorienting. It brings with it a heightened sense of vulnerability, and you want the person beside you to hold you with tenderness. But you\u2019re likely to get a better response if you understand what\u2019s happening beneath the surface. When one partner is dealing with a medical issue, both people in the relationship experience the challenge differently. And when the issue involves cognitive decline, the relationship faces a distinct kind of strain \u2014 one that threatens its identity.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and\u00a0log into\u00a0your Times account, or\u00a0subscribe\u00a0for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber?\u00a0Log in.Want all of The Times?\u00a0Subscribe.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":31963,"comment_status":"close","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31961","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31961","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=31961"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31961\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31964,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31961\/revisions\/31964"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/31963"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=31961"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=31961"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=31961"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}