{"id":22897,"date":"2025-02-27T09:00:17","date_gmt":"2025-02-27T10:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/?p=22897"},"modified":"2025-02-27T10:24:53","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T10:24:53","slug":"help-im-insecure-and-dont-trust-my-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/?p=22897","title":{"rendered":"Help! I\u2019m Insecure and Don\u2019t Trust My Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"
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His interactions with other women make me spiral.<\/p>\n

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At age 66, I\u2019m finally in a wonderful relationship with an attentive, loving and kind man, but I\u2019m frustrated by how anxious and insecure I am in our relationship.<\/em><\/p>\n

For example, he has formed a bond with a woman we regularly play pickleball with \u2014 they\u2019re both dealing with alcoholics in their lives. They look for each other when we arrive to play, maneuver it so they play games together and have intense, private conversations between games, usually about alcoholism and recovery. Meanwhile, I\u2019m on the periphery, watching every move with a sick feeling in my stomach. I dread seeing her and worry when I do.<\/em><\/p>\n

I also struggle when he comments about other women. \u201cThe eyes of my physical therapist \u2014 they\u2019re so gorgeous they\u2019re distracting,\u201d he says. \u201cI noticed she\u2019s not wearing a wedding ring.\u201d Great, thanks for telling me! I think about how handsome he is, start to wonder why he even loves me, and it all goes downhill from there.<\/em><\/p>\n

I do not mention any of my insecurities to him. I know it\u2019s not his issue, and it would only make him feel weird and resentful toward me. I\u2019m pretty much a 10 out of 10 on the insecure attachment scale.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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How can I learn to live more securely and truly trust him?<\/em><\/p>\n

From the Therapist: <\/strong>What strikes me about your letter is the way in which you frame this situation as your issue alone, without considering your partner\u2019s role in it. You seem to be aware of your pattern of struggling with a fear of abandonment and sense of inadequacy, but when you label yourself a \u201c10 out of 10\u201d with these traits, you pathologize yourself and tune out what your anxiety is telling you.<\/p>\n

Anxiety can be helpful when it alerts us to danger, allowing us to take action to protect ourselves. Other times, anxiety can be harmful, like when experiences from the past create a state of hypervigilance, even when no danger is present. What I invite you to do going forward is to try to distinguish between the two.<\/p>\n

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His interactions with other women make me spiral.At age 66, I\u2019m finally in a wonderful relationship with an attentive, loving and kind man, but I\u2019m frustrated by how anxious and insecure I am in our relationship.For example, he has formed a bond with a woman we regularly play pickleball with \u2014 they\u2019re both dealing with alcoholics in their lives. They look for each other when we arrive to play, maneuver it so they play games together and have intense, private conversations between games, usually about alcoholism and recovery. Meanwhile, I\u2019m on the periphery, watching every move with a sick feeling in my stomach. I dread seeing her and worry when I do.I also struggle when he comments about other women. \u201cThe eyes of my physical therapist \u2014 they\u2019re so gorgeous they\u2019re distracting,\u201d he says. \u201cI noticed she\u2019s not wearing a wedding ring.\u201d Great, thanks for telling me! I think about how handsome he is, start to wonder why he even loves me, and it all goes downhill from there.I do not mention any of my insecurities to him. I know it\u2019s not his issue, and it would only make him feel weird and resentful toward me. I\u2019m pretty much a 10 out of 10 on the insecure attachment scale.How can I learn to live more securely and truly trust him?From the Therapist: What strikes me about your letter is the way in which you frame this situation as your issue alone, without considering your partner\u2019s role in it. You seem to be aware of your pattern of struggling with a fear of abandonment and sense of inadequacy, but when you label yourself a \u201c10 out of 10\u201d with these traits, you pathologize yourself and tune out what your anxiety is telling you.Anxiety can be helpful when it alerts us to danger, allowing us to take action to protect ourselves. Other times, anxiety can be harmful, like when experiences from the past create a state of hypervigilance, even when no danger is present. What I invite you to do going forward is to try to distinguish between the two.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and\u00a0log into\u00a0your Times account, or\u00a0subscribe\u00a0for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber?\u00a0Log in.Want all of The Times?\u00a0Subscribe.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":22899,"comment_status":"close","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22897","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22897","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22897"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22897\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22900,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22897\/revisions\/22900"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/22899"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22897"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22897"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22897"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}