{"id":20272,"date":"2025-01-17T09:03:44","date_gmt":"2025-01-17T10:03:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/medexperts.pro\/?p=20272"},"modified":"2025-01-17T10:23:36","modified_gmt":"2025-01-17T10:23:36","slug":"therapist-lori-gottlieb-gives-her-best-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/?p=20272","title":{"rendered":"Therapist Lori Gottlieb Gives Her Best Advice"},"content":{"rendered":"<div><\/div>\n<p id=\"article-summary\" data-testid=\"onsite-summary\" class=\"css-79rysd e1wiw3jv0\">Lori Gottlieb shares relationship tips from 15 years of clinical practice.<\/p>\n<section class=\"meteredContent css-1r7ky0e\">\n<div class=\"css-s99gbd StoryBodyCompanionColumn\" data-testid=\"companionColumn-0\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">I first came across Lori Gottlieb\u2019s work when I read \u201cMaybe You Should Talk to Someone,\u201d her funny, candid memoir written from both sides of the couch \u2014 as a psychotherapist working with patients, and as a person undergoing therapy herself.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">I was struck by her original voice, her wit and her ability to be vulnerable on the page. So I was thrilled when I found out that she\u2019d be writing an advice column for Well called \u201cAsk the Therapist,\u201d tackling reader questions about life\u2019s difficulties. Her <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2025\/01\/16\/well\/mind\/critical-mom-advice.html\" title>first column was just published<\/a>; look for future installments twice monthly. (You can sign up to <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/newsletters\/ask-the-therapist\" title>get it in your inbox<\/a>.)<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">I called Gottlieb, who is also a host of the \u201c<a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/lorigottlieb.com\/podcast\/\" title rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Dear Therapists<\/a>\u201d podcast, and asked her to share some of the best advice she had gleaned from her 15 years of clinical practice. She told me she wanted people to think of their mental well-being as \u201chealth, and not as a separate entity.\u201d Some of her patients, she said, \u201cwait until they\u2019re having the equivalent of an emotional heart attack \u2014 and then they come in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Her tips from the front lines are below.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"css-15h6bi9 e1gnsphs0\" id=\"link-1262ee70\"><span>\u2018I didn\u2019t mean that\u2019 is not an apology.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Research suggests that taking ownership of your mistakes is one of the <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2024\/02\/16\/well\/live\/apology-tips.html\" title>most essential components of an apology<\/a>. But when Gottlieb treats couples, she said, she often hears phrases like \u201cI didn\u2019t mean that,\u201d or \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t feel that way, because that wasn\u2019t what I intended.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"Dropzone-1\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"css-s99gbd StoryBodyCompanionColumn\" data-testid=\"companionColumn-1\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">People say this, she said, because they feel misunderstood and blamed, and when they have that reaction, they become defensive. But making excuses is ineffective. No matter what your intentions may have been, she explained, the other person still feels hurt \u2014 so you should focus on how your actions or words landed with them.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cYou don\u2019t have to agree with the other person\u2019s interpretation of the events,\u201d she added, \u201cbut you can\u2019t argue with the way someone says they feel.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"css-1336jj\">\n<div class=\"css-121kum4\">\n<div class=\"css-171d1bw\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"css-asuuk5\">\n<div class=\"css-7axq9l\" data-testid=\"optimistic-truncator-noscript\">\n<div data-testid=\"optimistic-truncator-noscript-message\" class=\"css-6yo1no\">\n<p class=\"css-3kpklk\">We are having trouble retrieving the article content.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-3kpklk\">Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-1dv1kvn\" id=\"optimistic-truncator-a11y\">\n<hr \/>\n<p>Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/myaccount.nytimes.com\/auth\/login?response_type=cookie&amp;client_id=vi&amp;redirect_uri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F2025%2F01%2F17%2Fwell%2Ftherapist-advice-lori-gottlieb.html&amp;asset=opttrunc\">log into<\/a>\u00a0your Times account, or\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/subscription?campaignId=89WYR&amp;redirect_uri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F2025%2F01%2F17%2Fwell%2Ftherapist-advice-lori-gottlieb.html\">subscribe<\/a>\u00a0for all of The Times.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-1g71tqy\">\n<div data-testid=\"optimistic-truncator-message\" class=\"css-6yo1no\">\n<p class=\"css-3kpklk\">Thank you for your patience while we verify access.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-3kpklk\">Already a subscriber?\u00a0<a data-testid=\"log-in-link\" class=\"css-z5ryv4\" href=\"https:\/\/myaccount.nytimes.com\/auth\/login?response_type=cookie&amp;client_id=vi&amp;redirect_uri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F2025%2F01%2F17%2Fwell%2Ftherapist-advice-lori-gottlieb.html&amp;asset=opttrunc\">Log in<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-3kpklk\">Want all of The Times?\u00a0<a data-testid=\"subscribe-link\" class=\"css-z5ryv4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/subscription?campaignId=89WYR&amp;redirect_uri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F2025%2F01%2F17%2Fwell%2Ftherapist-advice-lori-gottlieb.html\">Subscribe<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lori Gottlieb shares relationship tips from 15 years of clinical practice.I first came across Lori Gottlieb\u2019s work when I read \u201cMaybe You Should Talk to Someone,\u201d her funny, candid memoir written from both sides of the couch \u2014 as a psychotherapist working with patients, and as a person undergoing therapy herself.I was struck by her original voice, her wit and her ability to be vulnerable on the page. So I was thrilled when I found out that she\u2019d be writing an advice column for Well called \u201cAsk the Therapist,\u201d tackling reader questions about life\u2019s difficulties. Her first column was just published; look for future installments twice monthly. (You can sign up to get it in your inbox.)I called Gottlieb, who is also a host of the \u201cDear Therapists\u201d podcast, and asked her to share some of the best advice she had gleaned from her 15 years of clinical practice. She told me she wanted people to think of their mental well-being as \u201chealth, and not as a separate entity.\u201d Some of her patients, she said, \u201cwait until they\u2019re having the equivalent of an emotional heart attack \u2014 and then they come in.\u201dHer tips from the front lines are below.\u2018I didn\u2019t mean that\u2019 is not an apology.Research suggests that taking ownership of your mistakes is one of the most essential components of an apology. But when Gottlieb treats couples, she said, she often hears phrases like \u201cI didn\u2019t mean that,\u201d or \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t feel that way, because that wasn\u2019t what I intended.\u201dPeople say this, she said, because they feel misunderstood and blamed, and when they have that reaction, they become defensive. But making excuses is ineffective. No matter what your intentions may have been, she explained, the other person still feels hurt \u2014 so you should focus on how your actions or words landed with them.\u201cYou don\u2019t have to agree with the other person\u2019s interpretation of the events,\u201d she added, \u201cbut you can\u2019t argue with the way someone says they feel.\u201dWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and\u00a0log into\u00a0your Times account, or\u00a0subscribe\u00a0for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber?\u00a0Log in.Want all of The Times?\u00a0Subscribe.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":20274,"comment_status":"close","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20272","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20272","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=20272"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20272\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20275,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20272\/revisions\/20275"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/20274"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=20272"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=20272"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/medexperts.pro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=20272"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}