I was taught to seize the workday. He prefers a nap.

My partner and I have different ideas of what it means to work hard. I was raised by parents who encouraged me to put my nose to the grindstone every minute of every day. Their view: Work as hard as you can for 40-plus hours a week, and make as much money as possible. In some ways, this mindset resonates with me.

My boyfriend, however, views work as a means to an end. If he completes his work in less than 40 hours, he’ll spend the rest of the workday doing whatever he pleases — often, he’ll just take a nap. Sometimes, this makes me feel uninspired, and I wonder whether I should date someone with more ambition.

Maybe I’m just too wrapped up in hustle culture. I love my partner, but I don’t know how or if we can bridge these differences.

Do you think this is a deal breaker?

From the Therapist: What strikes me most is how you’re grappling not just with your partner’s work style, but with the deeply ingrained beliefs about worth, drive and money that you inherited from your parents. While you frame this as a conflict about ambition, I hear you wrestling with a profound question: What defines a life well lived?

Your parents taught you that constant productivity equals virtue and that maximizing earnings is an important life goal. This is a powerful narrative, and one that’s equally resonant in our achievement-oriented culture. But your discomfort with your boyfriend’s approach could be inviting you to examine these beliefs more closely.

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